Google Chrome! Yawn.

Google chrome is live! It has ten great new features listed on its website that supposedly give it the edge over the browser you’re already using. Before I continue, if you’re using Internet Explorer, or anything AOL, then you are already a lost noob. Google Chrome might actually be an upgrade. For the rest of us who have a clue, lets take a look at these “features”.

One box for everything
Web search. Web history. Address bar. Suggestions as you type. One unified box serves all your browsing needs.

Not a feature. Firefox does this already and if I were dumb enough to use IE, I’d bet it does too. Firefox lets me set the search engine I use. I’m willing to bet Google strong-arms you into their proprietary search engine (and the advertisers that pay to show up on your searches).
0 points.

New Tab page
Every time you open a new tab, you'll see a visual sampling of your most visited sites, most used search engines, and recently bookmarked pages and closed tabs.

Being automatically directed to Google’s website whenever you open a new tab is not a feature. It’s marketing. It’s also an invasion of privacy as they collect all that information about your browsing to put on their website. I do not want my browsing history right up front for anyone who sits at my computer to see.
0 points.

Application shortcuts
Use web apps without opening your browser. Application shortcuts can directly load your favorite online apps.

Web apps are an application that is run from a web page. Desktop shortcuts to web pages are not a feature. Firefox and IE beat you to it again. But of course, it would be so handy for you to link to Google’s web-app scheduler so that everything you plan is accessible from anywhere there is an internet connection.. and accessible to the corporations who pay to see your schedule for timely advertising suggestions.
0 points.

Dynamic tabs
You can drag tabs out of the browser to create new windows, gather multiple tabs into one window or arrange your tabs however you wish -- quickly and easily.

Another no- feature. Been there done that.
0 points.

Crash control
Every tab you're using is run independently in the browser, so if one app crashes it won't take anything else down.

Hey! Actually a feature! OMG! This sort of detail about web pages I’d actually use.
1 point!

Incognito mode
Don't want pages you visit to show up in your web history? Choose incognito mode for private browsing.

If I were the sort to be concerned about my history, and too retarded to know how to clean it out, I’d be into this.
Half a point for a feature I’ll never use.

Safe browsing
Google Chrome warns you if you're about to visit a suspected phishing, malware or otherwise unsafe website.

Oh yeah. I love extra pop-ups initiated by the application itself telling me that i don't know what's going on. Microsoft hasn’t conditioned me to go completely rabid anytime that happens or anything.
0 points for being irritating.

Instant bookmarks
Want to bookmark a web page? Just click the star icon at the left edge of the address bar and you're done.

Because clicking a tiny icon is easier than a key-press? Not a feature.
0 points.

Importing settings
When you switch to Google Chrome, you can pick up where you left off with all the bookmarks and passwords from your existing browser.

Um. Doesn’t every browser from the dawn of time do this? That’s like saying your brand of tinfoil has a dull side AND a shiny side! Not a feature.
0 points.

Simpler downloads
No intrusive download manager; you see your download's status at the bottom of your current window.

Again, if you’re not a retard, you’ve shut off Firefox’s download manager years ago. It’s not intrusive, and now it’s doing exactly what Google is describing here. Except, not collecting information about what you’re downloading and submitting it to the government. Not a feature.
0 points.

So, I give Google Chrome 1.5 points out of a possible 10. Then I give them -10 points for taking aerial photographs of my neighborhood, collecting information about me on the internet and the real world, selling that information to corporations for profit, and handing it over to the government to keep from being shut down.
Thanks for the new browser Google. I’m totally going to not use it.